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(Published Friday, Sep 13, 2024)
It can be tough as a parent when your kid doesn’t seem to click with traditional sports. Maybe you’ve tried the usual suspects—soccer, basketball, baseball—and none of them felt like the right fit. And then you’re left wondering, “Where does my kid fit in?” I get it.
I recently chatted with a parent who had the same concerns about his 10-year-old son… let’s call him Little Johnny. He mentioned that sports haven’t really been Johnny’s thing. Johnny’s quiet, gets down on himself, and struggles with new activities. That’s when I shared something an old Taekwondo instructor once told me: “Introverts make the best martial artists.”
That line stuck with me, and the more I think about it, the more I realize how true it is—especially with Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (BJJ). Extroverts do just fine in martial arts, but introverts? They’ve got a unique set of strengths that really helps them shine on the mats. And Martial Arts have a unique set of benefits that really helps them shine off the mats as well.
The Quiet Strength of Introverts
When I asked Johnny’s dad if he thought his son leaned more toward being introverted, he hesitated, unsure if that was the “right” answer. But here’s the thing: being introverted can be a huge advantage in martial arts. Introverts tend to sit with their thoughts and think deeply, which helps them break down techniques and process them in their own time.
Extroverts may thrive in social settings and draw energy from others, but in BJJ, introverts’ ability to reflect and focus often helps them excel. It’s a quiet kind of strength that may not be noticed right away, but with a little time on the mats, it becomes obvious.
Let Actions Speak
Even though introverts don’t say much in class, their actions speak volumes. They come to class, they absorb the material, and they get better with each session. Over time, their progress becomes obvious, even though they may not be the loudest or most outgoing. In Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, kids can express themselves through their actions, and everyone can see that improvement. They don’t need to be the most vocal—BJJ allows them to show their growth through what they do, not what they say.
Where Respect is Earned
One of the best things about Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu is that it’s a meritocracy. There are no shortcuts and no free passes. You either put in the work, or you don’t. And in BJJ, hard work speaks for itself. When introverted kids quietly work hard, get better, and their skills start to show, they earn respect.
In BJJ, it doesn’t matter if you’re the most outgoing or the most talkative. What matters is your skill, effort, and growth. That earned respect often builds confidence in introverted kids. As they realize that their peers respect their abilities, they start to come out of their shells. They become more open, more willing to interact, and their confidence builds. It’s one of the most rewarding transformations to witness—a quiet, reserved kid gradually gaining the confidence to be more engaged, not because they were the loudest, but because they earned that respect through their hard work and skill.
From Picked Last to Finding Your Place
I know exactly what that feels like because I was that kid. Team sports? I was always picked last for dodgeball, soccer, baseball—anything with a ball, really. I wasn’t the fastest or the most athletic. Even in individual sports like swimming or running, I wasn’t the best.
But Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu isn’t about being the most athletic—it’s about knowledge and skill. You start by learning, and over time, through experience, you build that skill. Eventually, that makes up for a lack of raw strength or speed. I’ve seen it in my own life, and I’ve seen it happen with so many kids.
Why BJJ is a Perfect Fit for Introverts
For kids like Little Johnny, who don’t seem to fit into the traditional sports mold, Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu can be a game-changer. It’s a space where being quiet and introspective is celebrated, and where kids can grow at their own pace without the pressure of fitting in with a team or being the loudest.
At my academy, we value everyone—introverts and extroverts alike. But there’s something about BJJ that really clicks for introverted kids. They come in unsure of themselves, and over time, they leave with confidence. Not because it was handed to them, but because they earned it.
So, for any parents out there who are worried about their introverted kids not fitting in with traditional sports, I encourage you to give BJJ a try. You might just find that it’s the perfect fit.
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